Sunday, July 8, 2012

Having Faith

I find myself at a crossroad. I am unhappy with my job and all I think about is how and when I can quit. I used to be very proud of my place of employment. We service the military and law enforcement and I was proud of what we do, but now the environment has become almost sickening.

I have little faith and feel so lost, I could sit on my couch and just cry. Most of all, I feel this huge disconnect from the universe. The voice of my heart is silent and I feel barren.

So in a leap of faith, I put 2 of my paintings on Etsy. Not that I see myself as a full time artist. I just am trying to see if the universe is saying something I can't hear right now... That it is time to change, to move, to let go.


Naquillity said...

finding the faith to reconnect in some way is a leap in the right direction. here's hoping all works out with work, etsy and life...

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Your paintings are lovely -- I hope they sell. If your job is making you so unhappy, I hope you will see what else is available "out there" and make a move to a better employer.

Jacquelineand.... said...

What a dark place to be in Ana; I'm sorry to read this. Would it help at all if I share what I've found in my own life?

I've had many such times in my life as you describe here and have learned to call them my days of fallow fields. Just as a field lying fallow is recouping it's fertility, so too your soul is preparing it's deepest self for a huge leap in growth. Perhaps the universe awaits your coming to a clearer vision of where you want/need to go in order to throw it's resources behind you?

I hope your Etsy shop does well, your gifts deserve a wider and appreciative audience. More, though, I hope you can honour your process of grieving and growth, and find a direction which satisfies your heart.

Gloria said...

Hi Ana. Sorry to hear about your situation. When I am feeling lost and alone, and unsure of my direction in life, I stand back and look at how far we've come. I take pride in our home, gardens, mini orchards and most of all my husband and also our family pet member. Our dogs give us so much happiness and I see that you have family pet members as well. Grab one of the or both and just hug them. You will fee better. Take care.

Gloria said...

Oh by the way, good luck with Etsy. Also try Fine Art America, it's a great place that reaches a lot of artists. I have my work there and so do a lot of other buddy bloggers. Take care.

Kathy, PaperPumpkin said...

This is a post filled with despair...but with hope. Your voice is not silent in the universe, Ana... And your beautiful painting is one piece of proof. Sunday evenings are so difficult when we dislike our Monday job... Sending support, kathy

turquoisemoon said...

Esty is good, but find yourself a store also. Lots of places consign art...even coffee shops. Sorry you're so down. Wish we could just sit and chat... xoxox

Beth said...

I'm sorry you're feeling sad and lost, Ana. But I think it's wonderful that you took a step of hope and faith forward by putting your paintings out there. Here's hoping that it works out for you and that you shall soon find your direction.

The Roof said...

Hi Ana, I am sorry that you are feeling down. I know how hard it is sometimes, but I truly hope you feel better. And thanks for the comments on my blogpost, I really appreciate it.

La Dolce Vita said...

Ana I can feel your emotions. I have been in the same situations and I can really feel these moments.
"Feeling disconnected with the universe"-YES, I felt it frequently earlier.
To tell you the truth, when we live or work in an environment and with people who do not have the "slightest idea" about "how we are feeling inside" and who are very insensitive to "our needs" or "ignores and devalues us", or tends to "show aggression towards us'- we feel disconnected with them. This is my understanding/experience.
I have tried my best to avoid those situations/people but we cannot do that always.
Therefore, I would suggest you to spend more time/energy with like minded people and causes-because it really helps.-And stay away from people/situations that overwhelm you, if possible.

I am with you. We all [fellow bloggers] are with you in your journey. We understand you deeply.

There will come a time when you will be more in tune with the Universe -but before that -you have to "let go off" certain people/environment in your life. How it will happen , I do not know-but it happens.
All I know and can tell you from my experience is that-
The Universe really fulfills our wishes if we want earnestly.
I have noticed that we slowly /gradually move away from the situations/people that harms our soul and move towards situations/people that are conducive for us.
Definitely the Universe has a plan for you. Have faith in yourself. Don't have doubts about yourself. You will come out of this situation.
The discomfort that you are having now-is a sign that something will change-for the better.

I admire your painting. I love the bold colors and the strokes. All the best for your new endeavour !

foxysue said...

Hey Miss Ana, you have one fabulous painting here!

Lots of good advice from your blogging circle, you are having a pause to regather, re-evaluate it's all part of the journey.

Once upon a time I thought my job was the most important thing in my life, it almost cost me my sanity, now it is just a memory, a stepping stone along the way.

Arkansas Patti said...

All the above is great advice. Hopefully making the move in a more creative direction will easy your feelings of being lost. In todays economy, it takes courage to reach in a different direction. You have that courage. Positive breeds positive.

alteredstatesstudio said...

your trees are fabulous! love the colors!! i will have to look for you on etsy....your work sounds so disheartening. so sorry to hear that- it makes everything so difficult. keep the faith- sometimes the voice is really quiet, just whispers...

Plowing Through Life (Martha) said...

Your paintings are beautiful, Ana. And I am pleased that you took the step to put them out there. I'm sorry that you are experiencing so much grief with your job. It truly makes it difficult to get through the day. I hope that you will find something better. No job is worth sacrificing our physical or emotional health for.

Ariel said...

Dear Ana, I am so sorry to hear that you're going through a rough phase now. We all go through difficult times at some point or the other right? Whenever such situations have crossed my path I too have shed many a tear, felt disconnected to the whole world... But time has healed me and now when I turn back and think abt those times I realize that they have only made me stronger, wiser and more forgiving to myself.
Hope everything will turn for the better to you soon.
Love, love your painting. Congratulations on your Etsy store. Already you have taken a step forward with your current situation.

Sherri B. said...

Ana, I'm so sorry you're struggling with your job right's a horrible feeling to have your workplace be an atmosphere of such strife. Your paintings are beautiful!! The colors are amazing. I hope you're able to find some resolution with things - I"m sending good thoughts!

Sulky Kitten said...

It's horrible when you feel like this about your job. I truly sympathise because I've been in that dark hole myself. Try to work out what you'd really like to do and step by step, plan a way to get there. I'm glad you've put some of your beautiful artwork up for sale because you're very talented.

Francie said...

Are you absolutely sure it is your job? Before I could threw myself off a bridge a few years ago the doc put me on an anti-depressant. I found out it wasn't the people at all, it was me. When I quit taking the stuff I found that I didn't backslide, whatever had brought me down had passed. Sometimes tough measures are needed.

ArtSings1946 said...

Ana, my daughter and I both know how you feel ... we feel the same way mostly ... my daughter especially fights despair most of the time. I do think "sensitive" people and I mean this in a complimentary way, are feeling the effects of the negativity that abounds in our world right now .... but, I do feel that it's always darkest before dawn. I feel you are having an awakening right now as we are, and that seems to be painful as we come to terms with our awakening. Your paintings are wonderful and delightful and I wish you the best with them ... but do not despair and try to be patient and practice positive affirmations and if you come up with other suggestions, please share them ... we would love any other advise also.

Hang in there ... you are not alone.

Love and Light

rebecca said...

dear ana,
i am offering my love and support to this wave of compassion that is washing over you!!!
you are beautiful.
you are soul.
you are larger than any job on earth.

Buttons said...

Oh Ana I read your next post first. I am glad I read this one next and did not miss it.
You are an amazing artist, artists for centuries have never felt like they fit and the world has always felt different for them.
I think your art will take you far my dear Ana you just have to unfortunately make money to live this is an evil we all need to deal with.
I think things will work out Ana. Just know I do care and love your work. B

Victoria said...

yay..shine on..keep art is so very beautiful..wowness!!

Shaharoh said...

I know this comment is 7 days after this post but still I must send you a virtual hug and let you know that taking a chance by putting your work out there is such a beautiful endeavor. You are sooo brave and should not be unhappy. I feel this way so much because I have always had a "job" with a career being on the side. I wish you so much luck and know there are so many here who can see you for the beautiful, strong, intelligent woman you are.

Zena said...

This has happened to me and is a very discouraging situation. Even when I truly believe that teaching is a privilege and something I am good at, years ago I started to feel very unhappy,so I quit university, because I couldn´t see any other solution.

I had the chance to be part of a very interesting international project. It was an amazing experience. When it finished I came back to my old job, I had missed so much teaching and my working conditions had changed and were much better but this was not enough because the atmosphere hadn´t change.

Now, looking for another job as good as the one I have is not easy mainly due to financial and economic problems in the country, but I am learning to appreciate the best part of it (classroom, students, lessons...) and ignore what I don´t like. It´s very hard because it´s not an insignificant part.

I am also learning to feed my soul with art, creativity, spirituality and so on, because I know this is the only way this situation can be bearable

Through art we can get back our connection and inner voice and this is essential if we want to deal with complex situations... and with life itself

Your paintings are fantastic. Take care