Just a little step-by-step for the weekend. I am sorry I have not showed up on your blogs very often, but I will soon.
Sunday, July 13, 2014
Today I had one of those moments, one of those insights that we can choose to listen or disregard.
As I was in a yoga class, I just wanted to cry. I really did and held the feeling so I would not cry in front of the other students. The feeling persisted long after the class and I was miffed by it.
What happened is that a lot of times, when practicing yoga, meditating, praying, we feel like crying. Not because we are sad or because something happened, but because in a moment of abandon our bodies realize we have been holding on to feelings, thoughts, people, things that we really should let go. Crying is a way our bodies find to release that feeling. Although a lot of times we do not realize that.
This past couple of months have been particularly hard for me. Again, nothing has happened. My career is going well, my marriage is my anchor, my parents, family, and puppies are healthy...what could I possibly have to complain about?
I believe the woes of the world affect us all, but even more so the sensitive-introverts out there who just tent to be a bit too open to other's suffering. So as I read the news, Facebook and all the stuff going on in the world, I realized I have been holding on to anger. Lot's of it.
Anger and, to a certain level, arrogance, because if I think I know the way then I think I know better, and truth is, I don't. I think we are here to learn a lesson that's bigger and more powerful than I understand...therefore, it is time to release the anger. Because the only person in the world I am responsible for is myself. I have control over no one else...
This is leading to some changes in my life. Less online time, more reading time. Less arrogance in thinking I know better about any situation, more compassion in my dealings with people, because every time I hold on to something too tight, be it a person or a belief, I am hindering my own growth. To let go is to be free.
Monday, July 7, 2014
Thursday, July 3, 2014
Monday, June 30, 2014
I am an exclamation point. For many years, I censured my overuse of exclamation marks. But who wants a life that always ends in a period? I want reticence of what's to come, the question marks of the unknown tomorrow, but most of all, I want the exclamation point of a life well lived. Surprise, happiness, or "notes of admiration"to express the excitement of being alive.
As an exclamation point, I overuse superlatives. I feel big. My heart explodes in a thousand exclamation marks, which can hardly contain my sense of awe. I am effervescent, ebullient, and spumescent. To ask an exclamation point to be a period, would be the same to ask my heart, that sings like a chorus of 10,000 people, to not sing at all. And that would be a catastrophe, an alluvion, a cataclysm of unheard consequences. An exclamation point could never cry quietly. An exclamation point can only cry as though in a mexican "telenovela" with the poetry of a shakespearean tragedy.
As an exclamation point, I am each Native American murdered for land, each slave stolen from home then treated as an "other". I am each Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist and woman persecuted and murdered. I am each immigrant who left home for a better future, even though it meant hate and illegal status, but then I am each mother who heard a child crying of hunger. I am each animal abused and abandoned and each unwanted child. I am each ignorant person. I am each act of hate, of envy and prejudice, but I also am each conscious that knew better. I am each note of a song that makes one believe in the divine. I am each act of kindness. I am each first kiss and each broken heart. I am each leap of faith.
I am an exclamation point.