Sunday, December 14, 2014

to give is to receive

I have some ideas of things I want to share with you in 2015. As this blog's focus changes, as my life changes, I want to share them with you. Many of you have touched my life in so many ways.... with kind words, with presence, and some with a deep spiritual connection, even though our physical bodies never met.

But first, I wanted to share something else. Above are 4 original watercolors that I wanted to give to you. Leave a message and I will draw names next weekend on the 21st.

Much love and enjoy your weekend.

Friday, December 12, 2014

From thought to truth

When I was 9 years old, I approached my dad and said: "one day I will leave home to live in another country." Well, I don't think my dad took me very seriously....

When I was 10, I used to picture my apartment would have a glass wall.

As I grew older, "leaving" was always a theme in my life. I desired to know different places, to live in different countries. I didn't have a thought out plan about this, but it was always there.

In the past several months and many bouts with anxiety, soul searching, etc., I realized the feelings I was having were not bad. On the contrary, they were a manifestation that I wanted something different for my life. So, I started my 5 year escape plan.

Today, as I look at the goals I set for 2014, and see they have been met, that I started to think about that 9 year old little girl who told her dad she was leaving the country one day... That little girl has lived in 3 different countries. That little girl lived in the Amazon region for 9 years. 

I also looked at the wall in our abode and it struck me: we have a glass wall in our living room, just like I imagined when I was little.

Jobs that I wished for, moves that I desired... all the things I thought about and that were good for me have become. In some way, they have made their way to my life.

It is also true that I wished for things that didn't come... I wished for relationships to work, for new jobs, who never came to fruition and in hindsight, it was the best thing that could have happened to me.

Our thoughts have power beyond our comprehension...really. I think about what I want to do at the end of my 5 year plan and I decided I honestly do not know. I just know that I want to take a year off to be and hopefully during this time, find the calling that I know it's in my heart, but that the cacophony of the world has made it hard for me to hear.

So just wish, dream, visualize, hope... don't be jaded by world so that you do not believe in miracles anymore.

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”― Paulo CoelhoThe Alchemist

Friday, December 5, 2014

Traveling Sketchbook

So according to my beloved hubby, it is official: I suck.

I FINALLY went ahead and generated the winner of our book and it is Magic Love Crow

The book will be traveling to her shortly and I wanted to thank everyone who participated and had the patience to deal with me these past months.


Tuesday, November 25, 2014

High on Life


I have thought really hard about life and more and more have come to the realization that the older I get, the more fearful I am getting. Not cautious, which is good and comes with wisdom, but down right BORING.

I look back in my life and one of the things I was always proud of is that I tried things. I camped in the Amazon forest, I packed a bag and moved to England. But as a I grew older, all of a sudden, I became really afraid of dying.

I understand that as we get older, we feel less invincible and realize our bones break and our hips may not mend as fast. But I don't want to become someone who is so conservative to the point I stop living.

So here is my own personal challenge: do 1 thing I have never done or would normally never do at least once a month.

I started with the Miami Color Run, which happened last weekend and I would generally not do. But honestly, it was a blast!

What would you like to do that you have never done before?

Monday, November 17, 2014

The Misunderstood Introvert

Shushu pre-haircut

Shushu post-haircut

Destin, FL- Navarre Beach 43 degrees 

Ballet ballet ballet

I haven't completely abandoned the blog, but I swear things have been so insane and I am traveling so much that even blogging seems to be too much at the moment.

But what brought me to blog today was how sometimes the medical community seems to be a bit misinformed about us: introverts, HSP... I went to see a psychiatrist for my anxiety. This is someone who has seem me for almost 4 years now. I told him I wanted to go back on medication because I was having a hard time managing my anxiety with just meditation, ballet, etc. 

Then, I went to to tell him I understood what my real issue was: that I was an introvert working in an extremely people oriented carrier: I am traveling a lot, I do presentations to sometimes 500 people in 4 days, and I am constantly dealing with people's medical issues. I said that this overwhelmed my brain and I felt so depleted. Now, I have a good relationship with this guy and he knows I worked in counseling in the past, so knows I have a good grasp on mental health... but he asks me if I had ever taken a stimulant drug such as Adderall.

I immediately repplied: I do not have ADHD! 

This scared me a little. Not for me, because I have a good understanding of mental illness and my own triggers, but because what if another introvert and/or highly sensitive person goes see a medical professional because their brains are in overdrive and they get prescribed Adderall???? How many introverts and/or HSP get prescribed medication instead of guidance?

I am not saying some introverts do not need medication, a lot of people do, but I also know that if I worked alone or in an environment with less stimuli, I would be a lot less anxious. I traded off careers that made me happier and were more rewarding for careers that I kind of liked but that paid a lot more. Now, that's my choice, a trade off that I made, but it did not come without consequences and I understand them. But a lot of people out there do not and get type cast with a mental illness. 

The second misconception was when I mentioned to him that I was back to ballet. He said "great, socializing is very good." I understand that he wanted to make sure I am not isolating myself, but honestly that's exactly what I need because I am with people about 50 to 70 hrs a week and I am EXHAUSTED because of it. So I didn't get into the fact that I was looking into going to central florida to a log cabin for 2 days without nobody, just me.

That's why I feel this blog is important. I never felt as though I was a misfit growing up because my whole family is like me. My mom, my dad, my brother (who probably is the most introverted of us). We never liked guests over, we liked routine, and many times we each went to our rooms and talked to each other around a movie, meal times, etc. My parents never forced us to visit relatives, participate in holiday parties or to socialize. But when I moved to Florida, as an adult, certain expectations became more apparent and being an introvert became more of a problem as people could not understand my need to be alone.

Solitude is not anti-social behavior. Grieving is not depression. Over stimulation is not generalized anxiety disorder. 

Not everyone is driven by money, not everyone see success as by many awards one receives, some like the internal reward of a life lived in truth.

P.S. I have not proof read this...