I seem to be writing here less and less. Honestly, like many of my hobbies and pursuits, I have a hard time being consistent.
I postponed my "exit plan". Nonetheless, I have not changed my mind. I have, however, struggled with freeing myself from the golden handcuffs. All the words of wisdom and responsibility keep popping on my head... leaving a good paying job, health insurance, benefits... all while, feeling like I am becoming soulless and more and more anxious about the lifestyle I am leading.
My therapist (whom I see on occasion for anxiety) has told me the "American Dream" can be a luring one that can get one astray from what's important in life. And I was glad he supported me on my plans to quit and take a year off for myself.
Aside from doing nothing and some elusive plans, I really do not have a definitive plan for my escape. Just that I want to feel free from the shackles that I feel hold me back right now. I am also planning a backpacking trip to South America with my little brother. Aside from that, I just want to exist without plans or expectations.
I feel a bit crazy... how can someone have a good job, good pay, good benefits and feel so utterly dead inside? It seems that every step up the corporate ladder has left me more empty than the step below, but I still feel the pressure to be successful, to conform. And still I feel that I am not the conforming type and that I only have this one life to live...and what a shame it would be to live it under someone else's terms.