Sunday, December 23, 2012

me, myself, and who I am becoming

Staycation at the Ancient Spanish Monastery

When I was 12, I had a list of all the things I wanted to have and accomplish as an adult. On the list, I had a few things I wanted to have: a place to live, any car that was mine. I have those things. And the longer list of things I wanted to accomplish: 1.speak 5 languages; 2. have a PhD; 3. play a musical instrument; 4. sing well; 5. find the love of my life...


As I looked at that list, I started to really realize how I have surprised myself lately. I have marveled myself at the little quirks of my personality and how who I am becoming has very little to do with who I thought I would be.


See, on #2 and the PhD thing... I always envisioned myself as an independent professional. You know, attorney, doctor, psychologist type of professional. Now, here I am in corporate with no inclination to run my own thing. Plus, the thought of going back to a classroom has no appeal to me.


I have also thought I was going to be this wild thing and I have become fairly conservative in my life. I am a pretty private and calm person. Although most people think I am a bit cuckoo in the head.


Some desires have remained the same. I can speak 3 languages fluently and a little bit of 2 others. I still want to speak 5 languages fluently. I still want to learn to play a musical instrument and sing well. Even though my singing skills are pitiful (to say the least).


But instead of feeling disappointed that who I am becoming is, in many ways, so far off from who I thought I was going to be, I am elated to be surprised by this person. I have decided to let this person be, evolve, and develop. A person once told me, we are an unfinished project, until the day we die. Have you surprised yourself with who you are?






My husband and I are enjoying a staycation through South Florida. Today we went to the Spanish Monastery in North Miami Beach.

I am feeling better but still fighting a bug.

32 comments:

Kathy, PaperPumpkin said...

Feel better, Ana! This is a beautiful and sensitive post. I too am happy just to live each day, evolve and enjoy my journey...of becoming...and trying to stay calm and kind to myself as I go! Happy holidays to you and yours!

June said...

Beautiful photographs, Ana, to accompany beautifully expressed, heartfelt thoughts and feelings. It truly touched and moved me while reading this.

I wish you, your husband and all your loved ones a truly happy and joy-filled Christmas and a happy and healthy new year. Shona Nollaig Dhuitt, Ana. - June

Sulky Kitten said...

Hope you feel totally recovered soon! beautiful photos, I love the raccoon and the cat! I love the way some people see you as a bit cuckoo. Quirky and interesting, I'd add. I can barely speak my native language fluently, never mind 3! Have a lovely holiday.

Jane of The Jewels said...

Wonderful pics - I hope you are still able to enjoy yourself a bit, in spite of this bug.

I wish I'd been proactive enough to have even made a list like yours. I'm certain there'd be some surprises for me, had I done so :)

Adam said...

I can only speak my native language fluently (which woudln't be hard to guess what this is lol) but I did try to learn German in high school, and currently trying to learn Japanese.

Fabi (Objeto Transicional) said...

Lindo post! Felicidades! para vos y los tuyos!

Debra She Who Seeks said...

"Be not another if thou canst be thyself" ~ Paracelsus.

Teddi said...

i adore this blog post! your pictures are superb, and your writing genuine. i find it always interesting in the ways we change yet stay the same. hope you feel better soon. :)

JerseyLil said...

Ana, you had quite an ambitious list at 12! I’m very impressed that you can speak 3 languages fluently. Lovely thoughts on life and so well expressed. My life hasn’t turned out at all the way I imagined when I was young. I like the idea that we are an unfinished project until the day we die. Enjoy your vacation and hope you keep feeling better!

gigihawaii said...

I, too, had many dreams, some of which have come true. However, it still surprises me that my life has turned out this way. Merry Christmas, Ana. Aloha from Hawaii.

Nadia said...

Nicely said Ana! Life is a journey, you are never to old to learn and see. You made me curious about those languages..English, Spanish...French or Portuguese..am I warm? ;-)

inadifferentplaceblog said...

find the love of my life -- i think i'm gonna have to add that to my list... hmmm...

love this post and the photos, Ana! and oh how our desires change as we grow older (and more mature).

Merry Christmas to you! God bless! ❤ :-)

Arkansas Patti said...

Wow, you really had some lofty goals. How great that you achieved some. I don't think I am remotely close to what I thought I'd be but I do like my almost finished product.
Happy Holidays and a healthy, peaceful 2013.

alteredstatesstudio said...

the pics are lovely! i am glad that we are an evolving project...that we can continue to learn and grow. i think of my gramma...she had always painted realistic up until her last 6 months she was alive. and then at 96 years, she would paint anything and nothing and with whatever happened to be close- even if that was a chopstick. you must have been, and still are a very thoughtful person....i was a silly heart; so i am glad that my aspirations of childhood, change and grow. :) hope you feel better soon! there are some bad bugs out there this year.

Plowing Through Life (Martha) said...

Beautiful photos, Ana! Yes, we are an unfinished project until we take our last breath. Makes life a little more interesting, doesn't it? My life keeps evolving, constantly surprising me, and I think I prefer it that way. I think we should just enjoy the ride while we can.

Buttons said...

Oh you always make me think I love that. Your photos are amazing. Ana I do believe we are always absorbing and evolving and I do believe that is the best part of life.You are doing wonderfully. I myself am still absorbing as I go.Hugs
Merry Christmas Ana 2013 is going to be a incredibly absorbing year for us all, I know it. Feel better Ana. B

Sherri B. said...

We are constant works in progress...the potential for growth is infinite, isn't it? What a thoughtful post...have a wonderful Christmas, Ana, and I'm wishing you a very happy 2013!

Em said...

It is interesting to find who we end up being.

I am far more internally focused than I could have imagined (or found interesting) at 12. Yet it is perfect and has helped bring out who I am.

Interesting post.

AntiquityTravelers said...

Beautiful, peaceful place and reflection on who you are ... today at least ... who knows what tomorrow brings ... but that is the fun part isn't it? If we didn't keep growing and changing, I think I'd get quite bored with myself :) Hope you feel better soon - enjoy the holidays!

Wendy S. said...

What a lovely fairy tale you've lived. I know with heartaches along the way but you've really bloomed like a flower. I love the saying about how we're all unfinished products. Especially for the New Year, I can start thinking about what I once wanted, what's feasible and what to let go. Feel better :)

Kyra said...

I never saw myself ending up where I have. That's not a bad thing, but I certainly saw myself more living in a high rise apartment building, business world, probably single. I never saw living in the mountains of Vermont, married with children. :) I have a big list too, and I want to continue to work on it. It's always nice to know you can look forward!

I hope you feel better!

~Lavender Dreamer~ said...

I sure hope you feel better soon! Wishing you a Merry Christmas! Holiday hugs, Diane

Riot Kitty said...

Ever read Joseph Campbell? He says if you look back on your life, you'll see a path.

Lovely pictures.

Ileana said...

I recognized the Spanish Monastery; it's where I had my bridal photos taken. It is still very beautiful.
Your post is even more beautiful. I think I'm where I want to be and the lessons I've learned are invaluable. The more I live the more questions I have because the more questions I get answered the more questions I have. LOL Life is funny that way...we don't finish growing until we're gone.

Meera Rao said...

Aren't we all works in progress;) loved your post. Happy holidays and wishes for a wonderful 2013.

beth said...

merry christmas to you and your love....i hope this holiday season is filled with memories to last a lifetime.....hugs !

Susan said...

Merry Christmas Ana and hope you are feeling better now.

La La Land said...

Such a beautiful post ! I also went through the same phases in my life just like you and now, I feel more or less settled. i feel there is no need to prove myself to others but only to myself :))

Optimistic Existentialist said...

The raccoons are adorable!! I hope you had an amazing Christmas :)

Anna Murfield said...

I am new a new follower/introvert to your blog. Being a quiet person myself I am looking forward to reading posts from another quiet artsy type. I love the photos here!

Zena said...

Glad you´re feeling better. Great photos and great post. I am not sure if I surprise myself with who I am, I think I am now the person I always wanted to be deep inside me, indeed I am very close to my earlier dreams, closer than before. I surprise myself with the amount of time that has taken me to arrive here and with all my struggles. I can see retrospectively that I am not the person that I was meant to be, but I am the person I wanted to be, and that´s the reason why it hasn´t been that easy

danasparkle said...

from one cuckoo to another. Nice to meet you and take this little walk in Florida.
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