I woke up today feeling miserable. My anxiety was back and all I wanted to do was hide under my blanket. I asked my husband if I could be a "trophy wife" but he told me no hehehehe
And then, my best friend from my college days sends me this text: "Peanut hugged me for the first time yesterday! She hugged me!!! I've been waiting forever for that!" Now, I mentioned Peanut here before, that little angel who defied doctors' prognosis and is alive. But this text reminded me all the things in life I take for granted. This is a mother who did not know if her daughter was going to be a vegetable or die. This is a mother who has been waiting 2 and 1/2 years to be hugged by her daughter.
It all became clear. My people pleasing, my over achieving personality, my anxiety... senseless, because what really matters in life are the small miracles, the small moments that make being human the superb experience. Like the little piece of love, I received in the mail from Diane's giveaway. The smile on my dogs' face when I come home. The look of deep trust and devotion I see in my husband's eyes. The growing pain of learning to love my parents for who they are. The insane, unconditional love I feel for my brother. The people who help you without ever expecting anything in return. And a hug from a child we did not even know was going to survive to see her mom's smile.
"For each dark night
There is a sunrise
And, in the small-big adventure
of being born, exist, and die,
how many life lessons that while alive, I must learn."~Roque Schneider