Saturday, April 27, 2013

Facebook Fake Friends


I have been thinking very intensely  of this relationship between me, Facebook, and my Facebook "friend's" list.

I am not here to give the big speech on how FB is evil. I actually find it very useful in many ways: it has allowed me to keep in touch with my parents more frequently, with good friends I don't get to see very often, and family members who live far away.

But it also has its bad side: it allows me to be in touch with my parents more frequently, with friends I don't see often, and family members who live far away.


One of my favorite types of Facebook interactions is one I recently had with my cousin. She has not bothered to ask me how I have been doing since she added me to her list, 3 years ago. But since she is thinking of visiting SF,  she thought it was ok to ask if she could stay at my house. Or that high school friend who has never written me one line, asked me one question about my life (not even out of curiosity) but felt the need to add "one more friend" to their ever growing friend's list.

So slowly, but surely, I wonder how much "face" there really is in Facebook.

46 comments:

Zoe said...

Yeah, I find facebook is just a little to about the face and not enough about the folks they represent. I can keep in touch via email without the insipid dramas.

thediarist.net said...

I just recently got an account after years of not using it. But I plan on it being only for the blog I'm starting, not a personal one.

There are a few sites I'd like to follow, who put up wonderful posts. I guess that's how I want to use it, as a feed for the facebook accounts of other blogs ... PostSecret or Old Moss Woman.

Francie M said...

You really made me laugh, Ana. Yes it has it's dark side doesn't it? I sometimes imagine being one of those people who walks away from their fb account with nary a look back but so far, irritating as it may be, I still see the benefits outweighing the negatives. Google+ is a different story. I'm sorry I ever signed on.

Kalei's Best Friend said...

Would u believe I don't have a FB acct. and have no desire.. My oldest doesn't think much of it.. I have to agree w/her that when they opened the site to everyone it took the uniqueness out of it... She and others I know don't consider the 'friends' u make on it as being special at all... The people u do know in real life who are on it- yes... once again, I have never heard any positive at all...
Remember, its the internet, even here on blogger, I've come across the posts where its pure bragging and those are the ones I shy away from...

Gloria in CA said...

Hi Anne. I love your beautiful birds. Just awesome. Facebook I stay away from. There are too many people just trying to get info from you. I don't do Pinterest or Facebook. Good luck. Again, awesome birds, just lovely and I did get your message about "being in the mail." Thank you very much.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Apart from the friends and family that I want and choose to be in touch with via traditional means, the last thing I want is being trackable by the people I never want to have anything to do with again. No Facebook for me!

turquoisemoon said...

Your birds are beautiful. FB drives me nuts. I don't "unfriend", but have stopped the feed for so many friends. I just don't wanna "like" if I love Jesus...

Kathy, PaperPumpkin said...

I don't do FB. I guess I don't see a good reason to do it, just because it's out there. No desire to...Your birds re gorgeous, Ana!

Loredana Donovan said...

Most FB friends are fake. Love your birds :)

Fabi (Objeto Transicional) said...

No me gusta Facebook para lo verdaderamente afectivo. Me parece bueno sólo en lo comercial...
Beso

BIKBIK AND RORO said...

How coincidental that you posted this -- I've been stewing over an FB-related post for awhile now. I'm one of those people who have only a couple of handfuls of FB friends, and even then I've done some "pruning"!

gigihawaii said...

I have never used Facebook and probably never will. My blog is all I can handle right now.

Ana, all this time I assumed you lived in Florida. Do you now live in San Francisco? I sent you email about our dinner in Miami, so would appreciate hearing from you about that.

NatashaMay said...

I love your colorful birdies! :) I think Facebook means different things to different people. Some add every person they stumble upon, some only those who they know in real life and are close to. I add people based on how many friends we have in common even though I might not know those friends in real life. Because that probably means we have either art or books in common.

Don't get me wrong. I have no illusions those are my real friends. :) For me FB is a newspaper of some sorts. I find out stuff I usually wouldn't or I would have to go to different venues to get this info. Some I like some I don't. And I have no trouble unfriending people.

I have family all over the world so I'm not close to even half of them. Where I'm from it's kind of expected that family stays with you if you have room for them. Even if I never met them in my life. So it really depends on the culture I guess but in the end it's your decision whether you want to accept someone in your house or not.

Arkansas Patti said...

I don't do FB at all. I feel if someone is not in my life now, there is probably good reason. There are so many other ways to communicate today with all the technology that I can't see where FB is needed except maybe for grand parent and grand kids.
When we lived in Florida as kids I remember how often people we barely knew (friends of friends) became house guests and that was in snail mail days.

Buttons said...

Oh Ana yes I detest FB but leave it up just in case. I have no idea what this means either. I think it is a sad world when an invitation comes on FB and you did not read it and missed it. What happen to the telephone or a stamp?:)
Since we are not FB friends but Blog "friends" I guess it would be OK if I asked the same thing would it not?:) B

Zoe said...

good mornin I wanted to nominate you for a blogger award and have....I know at times its like the chain mail of the bloggosphere so dont feel obligated but I just wanted you to know I appreciate your site. http://rewritten-redo.blogspot.com (the link should be hooked to this comment...)g.

Janet Ghio said...

Your birds are beautiful!! On FB i only friend people that I know personally or that I know from blogs that I follow. It's not important to me how many 'friends" i have.

AntiquityTravelers said...

I have realized this as well. Sadly I have work "friends" and client "friends" on FB, so I don't delete anything. Instead I have grouped "close friends" aka the people that are active on FB that actually do want to keep in touch. This group gets my posts and feeds. The other group have a very limited view of my information. This was the easier route for me.And I feel free to post without thinking about what my fake "friends" might think

AntiquityTravelers said...

oh! meant to tell you how much I love your birds! the water colors are beautifully rich!

denthe said...

Wonderful colourful birds! Remind me of the Rainbow Lorikeets we have in abandon here in Queensland ...
I held off being on facebook for a long time, just couldn't see the point in it. But I use it fairly often now, since I put up a Facebookpage, and I'm starting to like it more. I just scan over the posts, and read the ones I like. All the rest don't bother me. I don't expect anything of it, so I can't be disappointed I guess .... With my "real" friends I use email ...

Plowing Through Life (Martha) said...

Good post, Ana! And I feel pretty much the same way. I do have a Facebook account, but don't really spend much time there. I created it mainly to keep in touch with people that are far away...old friends, family, even my daughter. I do not hook up with just anyone. My 'friends' list is quite small compared to other people. I'm not there for a popularity contest; I'm there to connect with people I know.

Sherri B. said...

This is exactly how I'm feeling about Facebook anymore...I rarely post statuses. The only reason I stay is because of a few long-distance friends and family members who I private message with. Facebook has definitely lost its sparkle for me! Beautiful painting, as always... :)

Annette said...

Hi young ladies loving your birds such pretty colors. FB, I know a lot of people are FB friend colectors and that is it. I don't care to hear about I cant' sleep, why not go to bed instead of beingon FB? Ok that is my stand but do agree as always with you my dear. xoxox

Jeanie said...

Beautiful birds. And I know what you mean about FB. All that, plus the weird algorithm so you never know who is really seeing your stuff and how much you are missing from people you'd really like to know about. I'm pretty sure once I retire, my FB friend list will be losing all the professional folk and just be the real friends and family. And that will be good!

Linda Chaves said...

I am not ashamed to say I LOVE Facebook! It has helped transform my life. After I lost my partner a few years ago, I stumbled upon the world of journaling and art quite haphazardly, and now it has become a big part of my life. Facebook is great for people like me - I have hardly any family, live in Portugal away from my native UK and have taken on a new interest. It has enabled me to join up with like-minded people all over the world. It has enabled me to follow my interests and reconnect with past friends in a very positive way. Why be so cynical? We meet fake people in real life, too.

Linda Chaves said...

PS: Like Frances, I have yet to see the point of Google +!

Lins Artyblobs said...

I like your birds, lovely rich colours. I do have a FB account but mainly for family and close friends...there are always unwanted adverts now too.

Red Shoes said...

Hey, Sunshine... I've been absent from reading and posting. It's the end of the semester and I've simply overwhelmed at work. I'm catching up in reverse order.

I have FB, but many of those folks are people I know, not really 'friends.' Someone really has to be special to fall into that 'friend' category for me.

FB... one just can't take it too seriously.

~shoes~

Jeanne said...

Facebook may have been well intended at first (no, I truly don't believe that). But now it is even worse! It may be a good marketing tool, but I have seen some real ugly stuff take place. And there's already too much ugly stuff in the world!

Riot Kitty said...

Funny, I just posted a tidbit about a relative who had a non-reaction to our book...that doesn't stop her from expecting us to attend her son's wedding halfway across the country!

Magic Love Crow said...

I am not on facebook and I will never be on facebook! Good luck to you ;o)

Magic Love Crow said...

I forgot to say, your birds are beautiful ;o)

Cristiane Marino said...

Ana, muito obrigada, fiquei tocada com seu carinho.
Também gosto muito de você, sinto uma afinidade grande, mesmo sendo pela internet.
Ótima semana!
Um forte e carinhoso abraço

Creatively yours Fi said...

I love your honesty Ana.....yes facebook bugs me sometimes...the insincerity of it a lot of times! I love it for the exposure to a creative Art world and for regular pics of my much loved Nieces and Nephews.My sister has just named her first born daughter Anna :) She says every Anna she has ever met has been lovely x

Fay Iseminger said...

I understand your feelings about FaceBook. When I first joined it was much more interactive. It gave me the opportunity to connect and chat with friends I had not been in contact with for a long time. But it has become a place I almost dread visiting now. Most of what greets me when I log on is politics, soap box rants, or just TMI that I never wanted to wade through. I have been wondering about quitting for a while. But each time I'm about to close my account, some meaningful interaction happens and I think maybe I'll stick it out a little longer. Being an introvert, I wish that FB could be the way it was when I first signed on. It was a way to connect with people in a way that is not overwhelming. But now I think I could find more meaningful connections through blogging, if I would spend my time there instead of on FB.

Blessings,
Fay

Optimistic Existentialist said...

I will admit to being a FB junkie but at the same time I try to interact with everyone in my friend's list and not have them on there just to have a high friend #

Ariel said...

I totally agree with you Ana about FB. I would love to dump so many names in my friends list but don't know how to do it without being so obvious. If you ever find a way please do share it.
Susan

~Lavender Dreamer~ said...

I've wondered about this, too. I'm not on Facebook but I think about classmates and long lost 'friends' and know I don't have much in common with any of them at this point in my life! It would be like meeting a stranger. Good post my friend!

Kyra Wilson said...

Did you tell your cousin no? (That would drive me crazy!)

Actually, I just last week had someone from high school contact me because of our 20 yr reunion coming up. This person was a friend, and then participated in some of the most cruel experiences of my life with people. She acted as if nothing had happened, and when I finally said something... Well.

FB, for me, is impersonal. I don't share too much on there that makes me vulnerable. Some friends on there are wonderful, others are strangers that I look at as sort of similar to when you pass by someone at the store.

Shaharoh said...

Lol! Yes, I can relate to the way FB somehow allows people to put impositions on people they barely speak to or communicate with. I think some people need social networking to live - it gives them some sense of validation. And although I am "connect", it makes me treasure the quiet, unconnected moments more. xoxo Great post!

Michaela said...

I'm cleaning my FB list quite often, it has happened to me too, that a friend I haven't spoken with in ages (and we used to share an apartment!) auto-invited at my place.. it never materialized though, and I wouldn't mind hosting some friends obviously, but be a friend throughout the year, not only in need..

alteredstatesstudio said...

and that is exactly why i am not on FB....i talk to the people i want to talk to and keep them posted on what is going on in my life, especially those i went to high school with. i went to a large school for this area, and there are truly only a few high school friends i talk to (for good reasons.....) and if it sounds like i am against technology- i am not; in fact- i use almost every other technological social media thing....just not FB.

Jillian said...

I enjoyed reading this post and everyone's comments about facebook. I joined facebook to stay in touch with my grad school class and have only recently started to add old high school friends. There's a lot of junk and drama on facebook, but there are also some images and posts from people that I really care about that move me and inspire me throughout the day. The way I see it, it's all about filters. Life is about filters, you have to be able to filter the junk, avoid it - don't get attached to it - and share the joy and happiness of the true things. Ha! Facebook is a trip!

CraveCute said...

Great post Ana, no FB for me.

Anthony said...

I agree that FB has its disadvantages and advantages...One disadvantage is that I get inundated with new updates/posts/etc. I can't keep up with all of them.

Tammie Lee said...

i love your question, how much face is there in FB!

your birds are so lovely in their rich colors!