In many of my posts, I have mentioned the fact I am a recovering people pleaser and perfectionist. I say recovering because it is a struggle to hold on to small but important improvements I have accomplished thus far.
My people pleasing patterns started about 10 years ago, when I went from being a loud mouth who would just not take anything to being way too preoccupied with maintaining my job and being liked. I believe in some situations, it is ok to be concerned with keeping your job, but I just got to the extreme where the small mention of my in any” he said she said” just made my stomach turn in knots. This is not helped by my feelings that by making mistakes I just committed the 8th deadly sin.
I frequently ask myself what makes me, and others, fall into the pattern of self-torture when the opinions of others are completely and utterly outside my control. I find it even more conflicting when people see me so opposite of how I see myself. Most of times they see someone who is assertive, with strong opinions, and laid back. I do not see myself as none of those things.
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I believe sometimes the view we have of ourselves gets distorted, as though we were in an carnival house of mirrors. Most dangerous is when how others see us becomes more important than how we see ourselves.
“You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.” ~― Eleanor Roosevelt