Thursday, September 20, 2012

How to handle the dissimulated?


I continue to work on my watercolor post cards and loving each one of them. They keep flying free.

But the reason I am writing today is because I want to ask a question: how does one deal with a dissimulated person? And how does one handle its own self on being truthful in a world of players?


One of my co-workers, who happens to be the nicest guy ever, was completely dissed by this lady (whom we call goldilocks and already got 2 people fired) with some very manipulative comments.
Goldilocks is a cutie pattotie, but my co-worker says she is actually a manipulative, two faced b*tch, who bats her eye lashes and gets all the big bosses into her game.


How the hell does one get pleasure out of harming someone else for no reason other than seeing someone get harmed? And how does one just stays out of trouble with someone like that around? 


“If you’re going to be two-faced at least make one of them pretty.”Marilyn Monroe

44 comments:

Gloria said...

The best thing to do Ana, is to stay away from people like that as they only bring you down to their level if you let them. Your butterflies are beautiful, I love them and soon the Monarchs will be heading back to Mexico, what a sight. Thanks for sharing.

Robin Larkspur said...

Your beautiful butterflies are in stark contrast to your subject tonight. There always seems to be someone like this Goldilocks in every office, workplace, schoolroom,etc. Apparently, these type of people due derive pleasure from their manipulations, though in truth they surely must lack self-esteem and are extremely unhappy. If you can fly under this person's radar as much as possible, all the better for you. And I wouldn't be caught discussing her actions with anyone else in the office...who can you really trust, with this kind of behavior flapping its wings, causing hate and discontent.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

She may derive pleasure from her games but I bet what she enjoys more is the feeling of power she gets from playing them. Wish I had some good advice for you.

Cloudia said...

Those poor pinched souls who have no joy but to mess with others - they are beneath contempt - if dangerous, like certain snakes, my fellow introvert! I just float away and enjoy my inner treasure world and those who I love.


Aloha from Honolulu
Comfort Spiral
=^..^=

> < } } ( ° >

BIKBIK AND RORO said...

Sigh.. unfortunately, there are many such.. people.. in the world; we just need to make sure we don't ourselves behave in similar ways. I suppose we are all remiss in our own individual ways, but "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up". Beautiful work as always :)

minnemie said...

I love your butterflies! As for Goldilocks... truth will come to light. It may take time, unfortunately, but eventually she will reap what she sows.

Plowing Through Life (Martha) said...

You can never win with manipulators; they're like rabid dogs. So, the best thing to do is to stay far away from them. Never take them on in an effort to make a point; they will do everything within their power to crush you. Unfortunately, we can't always see them for what they are from the get go, and it's easy to end up a victim. I have no idea how people hurt other people for no other reason than hurting them. It's beyond me.

Meera Rao said...

Llove your butterflies! I struggle with similar issues and its too stress ful to stay alert and aloof :(

Amalia K said...

One thing I know for sure is that the whole world is full of them. I moved schools so many times throughout childhood and teenage life only to find at least a couple in each one. Not to mention college and work. Sadly, these people always seem to have their way no matter what and they prey on those who seem most weak to them. The only thing I know that works when dealing with them is to ignore them and show that you're more secure as a person than they are. They'll get the point eventually. :)

You're butterflies are beautiful, Ana.

Peace,
Amalia oxox

NatashaMay said...

I so enjoy seeing your butterflies. You really give life to them. That rainbow one is my favorite.:)

Ola said...

I am trying to avoid such people, I know however how hard sometimes it is

Sulky Kitten said...

I have no problem looking them straight in the eye and taking these people on. It's a form of bullying and I always call someone out on their behaviour when I see someone else suffering needlessly because of them. I'm all for a happy workplace, but this sort of nasty behaviour has to be stamped on. Beautiful butterflies.

Jacquelineand.... said...

People like this, unfortunately, lurk everywhere...they are empty inside and it seems as though they try to fill themselves up on other's pain.

Keep your emotional distance, look her in the eye, and do not allow her to drag you into a 'private' conversation, ever. Insist on at least one other (objective) person being present and if she wants to know why, tell her you intend to prevent any possibility of a misunderstanding that could be used to undermine workplace solidarity. You, being a whole person, are stronger than she is; you are also an inherently decent person, a quality she obviously lacks.

By the by, your butterflies made me smile; thank you!

La Dolce Vita said...

Well, I am the "strong,silent" kind of person who does not want to "fight or challenge" these type of personalities mainly because I believe that everybody comes with their own destiny and deserves/gets their due at the end...and also the more we "think" about them, the more "power" they derive from us by commanding over us subconsciously.
Always remember Ana, these personalities are deeply messed up from inside, and are very bitter...therefore, they like to shake things up a bit {in a bad way }..feel pity for them.

Jess said...

It's a really difficult situation and one that many of us have come across. Be as truthful to others as well as yourself and people will eventually realise they can trust you. :)
Your butterfly is gorgeous, it reminds me of lovely stained glass with the light shining through. Your light shines through!
Jess xx

Sherri B. said...

I avoid toxic people like this at all costs...I'm sorry your co-worker had to feel the brunt of her dysfunction. And that's what she is - dysfunctional and damaged. Can you imagine being a person whose intention in life is to hurt and manipulate? That's a very tortured person with a lot of inner demons. I try to feel for them but maintain my distance. Your co-worker is lucky to have someone like you who is compassionate and sympathetic! Your butterfly is beautiful...I also have a butterfly-themed post today. :) Have a wonderful weekend, Ana!

Donna, Doni, Lady D said...

Absolutely loving your series of butterfly postcards. Very beautiful. Thanks so much for dropping into my blog and leaving your lovely comment. :o) Donna

Jeanne said...

Seems like there is always a "manipulator" in every work setting. I know I have encountered my share! It's best to stay as far away from them as possible, do as good & honest job as possible and don't get caught up into the office 'gossip'.
Manipulators get their pleasure from being being rotten people but only because they are unhappy deep down inside (at least that is my opinion). Perhaps they were bullied as a child or came from an abusive home......
But still no excuse to be horrible to one's co-workers.

Beth said...

Ah...I've asked the same questions many times, Ana. It would seem that the world is full of people like that. I cannot fathom how anyone could derive joy from hurting others, but over and over, I've encountered such people and am almost always stunned by the depth of their meaness. As others have said, it seems wise to avoid them (as we say here in the South, don't get in a pissing contest with a skunk), but also I think it's a good thing to look for opportunities to let the truth be known and to speak it as much as possible. I used to pray these long, anguished prayers about such people and the harm they cause, but now I just simply pray, "Please let the truth be known." Sometimes, it brings me a little peace.

Your postcards are so pretty---I especially love the rainbow monarch.

AntiquityTravelers said...

absolutely loving the butterflies, and love watercolors - such beautiful work

The great manipulator ... you've got some good advice above from our fellow bloggers. Be cautious in her presence (don't say anything you wouldn't say to your boss or hers), avoid being alone where she might try to get your confidence and then twist it, don't gossip about her (if it gets back to her you'll be the next target) ... basically 'be Switzerland'

ArtSings1946 said...

Love, love, love your butterflies.

Oh, alas, these gouls are still around and it seems in great numbers nowadays. I think fox news has made things worse by making these kind of toxic people think that it's ok to think and hate this way. All the advice is great, even Sulky Kitten's, but that would be very brave indeed and I think you are a gentle soul and this would not be a pleasant way to go. I would also recommend picturing yourself surrounded by a beautiful golden light of the Divine all around you, like an egg and nothing but nothing negative can get in (say that to yourself as you are focusing on the light). Perhaps do this before you leave for work. Shunning her would be good especially if most people in the office do this. I found that it's more than just batting her eyelashes, a lot more, sorry to be so out there ... but I found that these people have done a lot more to have made themselves so powerful ... a lot more and more soul wrenching. Pity her and others like her and pray for Goodness and Light to prevail.

Love Always,
Jan

Francie M said...

I would guess it is a defense mechanism. She's gonna get you before you get her. Just don't fall into the trap of retaliating. It isn't good for the soul. I like Antiquity's Switzerland advice. I love love these butterflies. They do look as if they are flying fry. The monarchs should be flocking up here ready for the trip south - I don't see them here in the city - but I know they are in the countryside. Do they pass thru florida on their way to mexico?

Francie M said...

I meant flying free, not flying fry :)

Em said...

While it's great to stay away from someone like that, if they're a co-worker, it's pretty impossible. In the past, I've left jobs because of people like that. And been clear to the boss why I'm leaving. (I'm usually not in a position where I'm so valuable that they'll do anything to keep me.)

I do not understand why someone gets pleasure out of doing this. It's one of the mysteries of life that I feel confused by at the moment. What kind of world do we want to live in, you know?

turquoisetepidteadrop said...

I do not think one can avoid such people. This kind is everywhere and sometimes you have to confront them or you feel awful for keeping quiet. Playing by their rules turns you into a mean person, too. I have got a girl at work like this one, too. Just letting her know I would not hesitate to use similar methods and switch to evil mode silenced her. Being nice does not mean you cannot defend yourself. Though it does stress me out and I guess it haunts me much longer her.

Thank you for your nice comment on my blog, so I could find your wonderful blog! Perfect title, makes me feel at home ;-)

Regards from tepid teadrop

turquoisemoon said...

Focus on your work... Avoid her if possible, never trust her. There's people like that in most work environment. Focus on your work chores, keep a smile on your face and don't get involved. Luv your butterfly...

Shaharoh said...

It's weird. In "work-life" we all have a roll to play. There's always that one person that has to go out their way to go against a peaceful work environment and in my humble opinion...I believe it's because that's the only life they have. They are probably miserable people at home with no one to manipulate and no strings to pull. You have integrity and will always be someone that people look to for wisdom and calmness. xoxo!

CraveCute said...

Love the butterflies! Stay as far away from Goldilocks as you can, and never share any personal information with her! Be cordial but never get close to toxic people like that!

Red Shoes said...

I ADORE that first butterfly!!!!!!

As for Goldilocks, I wouldn't get too close to her. Someone high enough up the chain of command will cross paths with her, and it won't be pretty. I would be afraid of collateral damage.

~shoes~

AntiquityTravelers said...

Stop by my blog - I have a little surprise for you

Kashmira Patel said...

Wow! Your work is amazing and SO cheerful!

I found you through http://antiquitytravelers.blogspot.com/
Cynthia's given you an award, and I can totally see why! Wonderful! Am following you now :)

Jenny said...

Love your watercolor postcards Ana... they are beautiful...
and in regards to Goldilocks... and I know one just like her... you definitely reap what you sow... her time will come...

Hugs
Jenny ♥

Scarlet said...

First of all your watercolors fascinate me. I am unable to work in that medium...yet, but someday...tú veras. :)

As for your question, that is not an easy one to answer. As a matter of fact I have a woman like this who married into my family and I describe her like this: "she has the opposite of the Midas touch...everything she touches turns to sh*t." She's evil but comes across as a victim to those who fall for her stories. It's sad. I limit my time around her and when she makes conversation I keep my end very short (she twists everything around to make even the most innocent statement sound cold or harsh when retold by her). That is my only advice. I don't even think therapy will work for these types. She's been there and still goes and is WORSE now. Buena suerte, niña. :)

Dianne said...

You butterflies a re beautiful! I especially love the fist one with the rainbow wings! As for Goldilocks... I choose not to associate with such people... If I have to work with them, I keep it strictly professional and don't engage them. As for her game, if it hasn't already, Karma will become a player and Goldilocks will lose.

Victoria Bennett Beyer said...

I love that rainbow butterfly! So gorgeous!

Buttons said...

Oh you can never change those people they seem to enjoy the game with no remorse. I could never understand those wolves in pretty clothing and four inch heels:). I think everyone in the business world has run into one of these beasts. B

Buttons said...

I forgot to say how much I love your postcards butterflies. I got so wrapped up in the evil woman:) B

Denise Mulligan said...

Some people are power hungry and she found a sad way to achieve hers. I always stay clear of these types. The universe however wanted me to learn how to deal with them. Every job I had someone like this showed up to push my buttons.

Unfortunately, the only way to rid yourself of them is by getting tough. I've had to look them in the eye and tell them off.

In a firm, calm voice say that their game doesn't work with you. That you will not tolerate this behavior. It worked every time for me.

The bully backs down and never says or bothers me again.

I think these people see kind, open people as suckers that they can toy with. Once you show that there is strength beneath your kindness they realize you are not weak. You've become too much work for their games.

Cynthia Schelzig said...

Toxic, manipulative people don´t deserve our energy as to how we can solve their problems. They act this way cause they want to draw all the attention on themselves and the best thing to do is to IGNORE them and their childish behavior,,they feel this need to draw everyone else into their drama world. I don´t play that and neither should you. Don´t validate them by wasting your energy on thinking about them ,,,use that energy to paint more of these beautiful butterflies. Marilyn´s quote made me smile. Have a nice Sunday. THanks for coming by my blog:) Take care....

June said...

Beautiful and brilliant butterflies, Ana. They just make me smile to look at them.

As for this Goldilocks creature, the best thing to do is to avoid contact with her as much as possible, if not altogether and completely avoid her. She is a bully and a manipulator, and I have had my (un)fair share of them in my life (as have many of us), and I've learned that there are many more of 'us' (the good ones, the nice ones, the compassionate and empathic ones) than there are of 'them' (the cretins, the creeps, but bullies, the b*tches, the manipulators, the socio/psychopaths and predators) in this world.

If we ignore them or avoid them as much as possible, they will soon realise that they have no power over us. That they cannot hurt us, or bully us. We do not enter into their arena and we refuse to take part in their 'games'. They lose power, while we regain our own power and inner strength back.

While I don't believe you can change these creeps and cretins, by making see how pathetic and sad they are, I do believe strongly that the best thing we can do to protect ourselves from these toxic types - is to keep away or walk away and ignore completely, or as much as humanly possible.

An'Angelia Thompson said...

She sounds like a what I call a "spiritual vampire". Nothing to do but stay out of their way and ignore them as much as possible in my experience. You don't want to be standing nearby when karma comes to kick their arse!

Almost Precious said...

How I wish I knew the answers to your questions. Why do people like that exist? Guess only God or perhaps Dr. Freud could tell us. All we can do is try to stay clear of them, stay neutral and be grateful that we are not anything like them. Be very, very grateful. :)

Jeanie said...

Wait a minute. I think you must be working somewhere for my department where once a day we walk through the toxic sludge to do our work and hope we get out before our spirits are broken or worse, we become the environment.

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